The ever-popular topic of whether it’s possible to date someone who is better looking/richer/posher/cooler than you. After all, many of us know someone who punches above his or her weight class, dating people who they – by all rights – should have no chance with. We got the dating experts views on why no guy should be ‘out of your league’….

By Julie Hodister

 

  1. There is No Such Thing As “Out Of Your League”

“When someone is referred to as being “out of his/her league”, it is almost always based on the flawed idea that the only thing that people value is looks,” says Dr Nerdlove, expert dispenser of love, sex, and life advice at www.doctornerdlove.com. “Whenever we see someone who isn’t conventionally attractive dating somebody who is more attractive we often dismiss the relationship as somehow invalid; clearly he has money, or a high-status job or some other external quality that the more attractive partner desires enough that she is willing to put up with having to toss the cave troll a handy every now and then.”

“But, amazingly enough in the real world, models do sleep with mere mortals,” says Dr Nerdlove. “Sometimes the cheerleader does go for the nerd instead of the jock!”

 

  1. It’s About More Than Looks

“Shockingly enough, attraction is about more than just whether you look good naked or not,” says Dr Nerdlove. “In fact, what’s considered “good looking” is incredibly variable and influenced by a ginormous number of factors including personal preferences, cultural upbringing, social class, even ecology. We don’t just date people’s faces or torsos – not for very long, in any case. We date a person, not any individual feature. Looks, no matter how spectacular, eventually become part of the status quo; as Billy Bob Thornton (no model, he) once said about being married to Angelina Jolie, eventually “it’s like f*cking the couch.”

 

  1. Be Comfortable With Who You Are

“The key to landing a man whom you perceive as “out of your league”  – or even just better than the crybabies, commitment-phobes or players you seem to attract — boils down to getting in touch with and becoming comfortable with who you are from the inside out,” says Marni Battista, certified Life Coach at www.datingwithdignity.com “In order to attract that amazingly confident guy, there may be some insecurities or fears you need to work through before you’re comfortable enough to reveal your feminine, authentic self. Live up to your potential!”

 

 

  1. A League of Your Own

The idea of “leagues” is so self-limiting. All obsessing about “leagues” does, is set you up for failure,” warns Dr Nerdlove. “Either you get complacent because you assume that you’re so far out of your partner’s league that he or she would never dare do anything to jeopardize the relationship, or you become so convinced that your partner is going to realize that they could do better, and drop you, that you end up subconsciously pushing them away.”

“Here’s the cold hard truth: if someone is willing to date you – whether you’re a toad and she’s a goddess, or you’re a 5 and he’s a 10 – then they’re in your league. There is something about you that they clearly value.” Dr Nerdlove goes on to point out, “If you want to be in anybody’s league, you need to improve your ability to connect with them emotionally.”

 

  1. Think About the Bigger Picture

“Before you set your sights on pursuing a particular man whom you’ve perceived as out of reach, think about whether or not this guy really is of the highest caliber,” advices Marni Battista. “We tend to classify guys based on looks, but I’m sure you’ve realised by now, that a lot of devastatingly good-looking guys can be real jerks. Evaluate the man in question beyond his physical appearance by taking into account how passionate he is about his career and his overall outlook on life. Notice how he interacts with and treats others, as well as what he’s doing in his day-to-day life. You may find after doing so that dating him is not so lofty a goal as you thought.”

 

  1. Be Your Authentic Self

Don’t be a falsey, putting on a front based on the idea of what you think you need to be to land Mr. Hot,” advises Dr Nerdlove. “Be vulnerable by being open and honest about who you are – it shows that you have the strength to let others know how you feel, without worrying about what other people think. Be the person who brings legitimate value to their life and one day, people may be looking at you and wondering how the hell you managed to land him, when he’s so clearly out of your league.”

 

  1. Persistence Can Pay Off

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and romance won’t be either,” says Patti Stanger, matchmaker extraordinaire and host of TV’s, ‘The Millionaire Matchmaker’ (www.pattiknows.com). “Even if you get rebuffed the first few times, don’t let it get you down. Try to figure out why, address the issue and then try again. Did you ask him out last minute? Then plan ahead next time. Did you come on too strong? Then go for a more casual approach. If he’s not keen to be alone with you, then it’s not that he’s out of your league, it’s that you’re freaking him out. You need a different angle.”

 

  1. Physical Attraction and Emotional Suitability  Is What Makes Someone Attractive

“No one can determine who is in a certain league, because leagues don’t exist,” advocates Alexis Dent, Founder Editor of The Miss Information (www.themissinformation.com) “The problem is, when we say that someone is “out of our league,” we begin believing it. But, we are all beings with worth, beauty and charm, even though our insecurities may tell us otherwise. No matter how physically attractive someone is, if they don’t have the values to appreciate things like intelligence, ambition and laughter, then as a couple, it never would have worked out anyway.”

 

  1. Attraction Is All About Perception

“Believing a man is out of your league is the first tell-tale sign, that you have placed him on a pedestal, and granted him superiority in your mind, which is bound to make you feel inferior,” says relationship guru, Yvonne Jane Lorraine, at www.blackcitygirl.com. “A man you believe is out of your league, will only find you attractive long term, when he is convinced you are on the same level or better than him, particularly when you offer strengths to counteract his weaknesses. Even when a woman is ugly, she can still bag a top notch man, as long as she has similarities to him (i.e. background, education, career, values, wealth) and her strengths make up for his weaknesses.”

 

  1. Stop Forming Silly Leagues Based On the Shape of Someone’s Cheekbones

“One thing is true for all of us: someone’s face shouldn’t hold more value than their heart, and someone’s body shouldn’t be considered more important than their mind,” says Alexis Dent. “Compatibility isn’t founded purely on how attractive you and your partner are in respect to each other. Beautiful people aren’t beautiful based solely on how they look, but more so on who they are. So, stop buying into ideas about whom you should date and who should be interested in dating you!”

 

Former AOL UK Editor, Julie Hodister, has written for numerous women’s and teen magazines including, Heat, Bliss, Dare, more! 19, Smash Hits, Big! J17, Q, Sky and Chat.

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