Thinking about casual relationships? If you have just come out of a long relationship or your life is too busy to accommodate a significant other casual relationships may be the right relationship choice. Strictly Dating caught up with international sex and relationship expert, TV presenter and author Louise Van Der Velde to get her take on the benefits of going casual.
Thanks for speaking to Strictly Dating – tell us a bit about you and your work?
I believe that everyone deserves a little more pleasure in life. My goal is to help as many people as possible find the pleasure they are seeking. This can take many different forms. I am a Master Trainer in many therapies and work with individuals and couples to create relationships that are fulfilling on every level – emotional, spiritual and physical. I am also a motivational speaker empowering groups and organizations to achieve their aspirations. As the Pleasure Professor I appear regularly on TV, radio and in the press giving practical love and sex advice.
You’ve hit the headlines a few times – why are your views on casual dating so controversial? I don’t know why my views are controversial as to me they make perfect sense – marriage is an institution created hundreds of years ago when people lived to 40, not 80. Can you really expect someone to remain monogamous for fifty years? I don’t think that one person can provide all the sexual stimulation you need for the duration of your relationship.
I believe that affairs and extra-marital liaisons can strengthen a marriage, leading to a renewed sense of energy and enjoyment between spouses. Taking sexual pleasure with someone else does not have to mean the breakdown of your primary relationship.
What advice can you give someone who is considering casual relationships?
For me there are two types of casual dating – either you are free and single and looking for short term company and sexual fulfilment or you are in a committed relationship and searching for a new source of sexual satisfaction. If you’re free and single my only advice is to keep safe both online and when you meet – casual dating will allow you to meet hundreds of potential sexual partners so get out there and enjoy all the possibilities.
If you are in a committed relationship then my advice is to keep things sexual and minimize the amount of involvement you have with your sexual partner outside of the bedroom. Don’t be talked into dinners, gifts or trips away. You may find your sexual intimacy developing into something more serious and this is where the boundaries with your committed relationship begin to blur.
So it sounds like casual relationships can be the right choice – what’s the next step?
It can be really tough finding consenting adults who share your desire for simple sexual pleasure. You can waste a lot of time and money in pubs and clubs, or hurt people who may have different expectations of a relationship. An easy way to find other pleasure seekers is through online dating. I have recently set up an online community to connect adults who just want a casual relationship. It’s called Pure Pleasure Dating and it’s all about letting singles and marrieds find each other in a really simple and safe way.
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